Goat Simulator 3 is one of the better games Kevin 2022 got to test. But he”s also really into this kind of chaos and nonsense.
This shouldn”t be a surprising revelation, but Goat Simulator 3 is not a game for everyone. If you thought the first part was stupid, if you rolled your eyes in annoyance at the trailers and gameplay clips, if you can”t deal with bizarre humour and complete nonsense, then you probably won”t have any fun with the successor (there was no second part) of the goat simulator.
But if, like me, you can”t get enough of unusual, not quite beer-serious games, Goat Simulator 3 has a frightening amount to offer: It looks a corner fancier than the original, offers even weirder gags and Easter Eggs as well as a few new features and improvements, and theoretically lets you play as a foursome via online multiplayer if you have friends. Of course, this is unlikely for Goat Simulator fans, but it”s still nice to have the option.
In this article I take you on a journey into the sick mind of the developers who, despite all the crazy ideas, have managed one thing: That at the end of the day Goat Simulator has become a coherent, rock-solid and at times even really good game. That”s more than you could have expected from the idea of “playing GTA as a goat”.
Fire of Love
I am a goat on a farm. People around me admire prize-winning vegetables, including the world”s largest corn on the cob. I admire a propane tank and take it on the horns. The tank explodes, people are on fire and running around in panic, setting fire to hay bales, hedges, garden furniture. I drag the oversized corn cob into my artfully created bonfire and create the world”s biggest popcorn. Hmm, like corn, only edible!
When the fire brigade arrives, I steal the fire truck and speed towards the city, happy that all vehicles in the game have an afterburner. I hack full into the next petrol station, which completely disintegrates, the roof flies off, cars standing around burst like soap bubbles filled with petrol.
I unlock upgrades by playing around wildly: I am now a hammerhead shark that moves on land with the help of its fins and a skateboard under its belly, an old lady sits on my back in a rocking chair and shoots passers-by with a bazooka. I hurl Captain America”s shield through the streets and mow down passers-by who make funny pinball noises in the process. The only thing I don”t like to play is the giraffe, because it never really gets into the houses.
Goat Simulator 3 is completely bloodless, nobody dies, it”s just cartoon humour that isn”t really any more extreme than Tom & Jerry. I activate a climbing tower for goats, which suddenly shoots out of the ground like in an Ubisoft title, I am alerted to surrounding quests. Inside the tower is a portal to my hidden goat castle, where I unlock new rooms and new adventures as I raise my reputation with the Illuminati by collecting points. In tight, intense sessions, this is totally awesome!
More creative than you think
I hook a tow truck to a house and tow the house away. I have a hat with a built-in tape measure and use it to measure the size of and distances to objects, with a built-in indicator in metres. I spray the finest graffiti art on house walls with paint cans.
There are heaps of activities, gadgets, costumes, a hidden Wolfenstein mode with pixelated shooter corridors, vehicles and wonderfully beautiful destruction possibilities in the huge game world divided into several varied city districts. If you want, you”ll find heaps of collectible junk, hidden ramps for vehicle stunts and a cannon to shoot yourself out of.
For multiplayer, there are other game modes like football, golf or obstacle courses where the ground is literally made of lava. Unfortunately, I can”t judge how well the game physics play along there, because for some unknown reason no one else in the editorial team could be found who liked Goat Simulator.
This all plays smoothly via gamepad or mouse and keyboard, and, as in any first-class game, you can reassign all the keys to suit your mood. Goat Simulator 3 is great for a few hours of silly entertainment, apart from a few intentional physics glitches (the gravity is a bit silly) I had no hangs or crashes, the game runs smoothly and looks totally acceptable for a joke game. The music is not as aggressively nasty as in the predecessor, even if it repeats itself too often. It”s really not bad if you”re into this kind of game.
Editorial conclusion
At the risk of stating the obvious: Goat Simulator 3 is exclusively suited for exactly the kind of gamer who likes intentionally stupid games without much sense or logic. The developers know their stuff, the thing plays more fun than its predecessor, which I also liked. I could bash Goat Simulator 3 right now for just being hilarious, but I honestly find the game funny and entertaining. That”s why I wouldn”t play it for eight hours straight, but it”s still one of the better games I”ve tested this year.
I rain fish down on my victims through the powers of the ocean, drive as a rhinoceros with an ambulance over jumps through burning rings, hack through the city with a skateboard as a hammerhead shark “Tony Shark” and reach the speed of light through astreine grinds to catapult myself into the stratosphere with an old mattress. First come up with a game like this and then manage to implement it in such a way that it is also fun to play! If it can”t be absurd enough for you, it”s worth it. Otherwise, just play God of War, which I”ve heard is also quite okay.
